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The
Psychology of Sports On
The Couch: An Analysis of Current Topics and Issues in Sport The
Hypocrisy of Youth Sport There
is a great deal of hypocrisy in this country, which, in most instances, is
just fine. However, there are some settings, like youth sports, where it is
totally out of line. We
want our youth sport community to be fair, just, and equitable. We want all
of our children to get equal playing time, and to get a chance to excel.
We espouse that all are winners and that winning at an early age is not to
be encouraged. The
problem, however, is that psychologically, sociologically, and
developmentally this is not what is really happening. We
as adults live in a society where, at times, winning is the only
thing that matters. We carry that philosophy – despite attempts at times
to mask how we really feel -- from the boardroom to our family game rooms
and most predominantly into every level of sports. No
one remembers who finished second, nor does anyone really care. In fact, it
doesn’t take long to forget who our champions are. We have
become an un-reverent nation, who turns quickly away from our sports heroes
of the past. Our adoration is reserved for the moment and is gone in less
than a heartbeat, as we crave the next winner, to achieve the psychological
high and vicariously identify with them. Our
children are exposed to these attitudes every day in their homes by parents
who spend their lives competing in sports and at work and rooting vehemently
and violently for their favorite teams. Children receive a very strong
message at a very early age. Win! Even
when playing legendary childhood games such as Candy Land, the goal is to
win. No child says I’ll stop at the Kids
are competitive from a very early age, they have to be, or else they will
not survive, or minimally thrive. Even
in school, research shows that children in primary school can rank the class
in terms of ability with startling accuracy. If it’s happening in social
studies class, you can believe it’s happening on youth baseball diamonds
and soccer fields. Just
walk onto a T-ball field full of seven and eight year-olds and you’ll see
parents and coaches screaming for and at the kids to perform better. On the
soccer field, these actions are directed at children as young as five. In
football, the modern-day Roman Coliseum, the obsession begins as soon as a
child can carry a Nerf ball. As
a society we have "intramurals" and "travel teams." The
former is supposed to be a place where the less gifted athlete has an
opportunity to play. Yet experience and research show that’s far from the
truth. Even at the intramural level winning is stressed, favorites are
denoted and a pecking order is established. How
does this happen? Our society is built on competition. Our capitalist system
is the purest form of competition in the world. We
need to prepare our children for this world. We need to teach them to accept
who and what they are. As it stands, we do not accept losing in any arena of
life. If we do, we investigate why we lost and fix it, so next time we will
win, or, metaphorically at least, die trying. It
is necessary to teach children how
to compete and
to show them that winning is a true and valued goal in our society. While
hypocrisy is embedded in our culture, we need to do everything we can
to shed our hypocrisy when it comes to children and athletic competitions.
We need to help them cope with losing when it happens instead of telling
them how they failed. We
must put them in sports venues where they can maximize their potentials and,
hopefully, win. If given the proper reinforcement, this attitude will carry
over from organized little league baseball to a simple game of hop-scotch in
the driveway. Moreover,
each parent needs to look at and understand their child because parents
remain the greatest influence on their child’s development in the early
years, in all venues. There
are some children who can be put in highly competitive situations, not
perform well – either by not playing or making mistakes -- and be fine
with it. However, there are other children who cannot thrive in these
situations. They must be taught how to cope or find other arenas to compete
in. And many parents don’t want to accept it, but that arena might not be
on an organized playing field. Ultimately,
it’s up to us as parents to decide what kind of youth sport experience our
children will have. It can be one of fun and learning, or it can be a
nightmare based on unreasonable expectations and unrealistic goals. Whether
we know it or not, too often we chose the latter.
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