On the Couch : By Dr. Richard Lustberg

An Analysis of Current Topics and Issues in Sport
October 2000

Parent RAGE-Bobby Knight

The parent-child fall sports season is in full swing, and all one has to do is to walk onto any athletic field to find some coach or parent exhibiting behaviors that have been known to be associated with lower order species and commonly referred to as parent rage. Typical explanations and solutions for these behaviors generally range from the simplistic to the unrealistic.  Fathers living vicariously through their children appears to be the most frequently cited reason for parent rage.  Other reasons suggest that coaches do not have enough training and that ultimately parents are at fault for their children’s behaviors.  Or maybe it is the other way around? I am not sure.  No matter, all are frequently mentioned causes for behavior that have really existed for thousands of years.  Remember the courageous Mayan team captains who played a game similar to basketball and forfeited their lives if their teams lost?  The practice was explained as one related to religion.  Has sport become a religion where a parent takes the life of another?

Parent rage is caused by a multitude of complex factors, some of which we still don’t  understand.  In a society that has come to feature too many Chiefs and not enough Indians we seem to have lost our professional and social boundaries, creating an erosion of where one’s place begins and ends.  This has given rise to parents' involvement beyond their areas of expertise, not to mention going beyond the boundaries of civility.  Perhaps in this period of unparalleled prosperity people have equated economic success with knowledge, a dangerous assumption at best.  It is therefore no surprise that many professionals in our society bemoan the lack of common courtesy shown by those they service.

It is also exasperating to listen to those who complain that people need to learn how to act.  This presupposes that many adults are not capable of understanding the demands of a situation.  A difficult premise to swallow at best.  Rather, it is more likely that they cannot or do not wish to contain the intense emotions that they are experiencing during the games.  If knowledge or cognitive awareness were all that were needed to solve our problems, we most certainly would have world peace or at least fewer screaming, inappropriate parents at sporting events.

While many fathers and mothers live vicariously through their children many more are unable to separate from them.  They over identify with them and in short the parent takes on the child’s behaviors as if they were their own.  Finally, don’t underestimate the emotional investment parents have in their children.  Typically in families where children’s successes or failures are viewed as an extension of their parents’ abilities, a great deal is on the line.  Under these circumstances when the child is not successful, a parent feels unsuccessful too, often leading them to make rash decisions or act out,  all in the service of obtaining immediate emotional relief.  All about me and my immediate need rather than what is best for the greater good is what society has arrived at.

We have parents who have difficulty internalizing those controls that are necessary to properly purport themselves, and we have children modeling, copying and internalizing those behaviors.  A perpetual farm team of future parent ragers. We should be grateful that we don’t have more incidents than we do!  Or will tomorrow’s headline scream out another parental act of violence?

While we are on the subject of rage, anger, and the inability to contain oneself  Bobby Knight’s name comes to mind.   Mr. Knight as he would like to be known to those who are not on familiar terms with him, or are simply mere mortals, continues to matter to many of his legions of detractors and supporters evoking intense emotions in all those who care. 

And why do we care?  First, Mr. Knight wins basketball games, including three national titles and numerous winning seasons.  This brought a great deal of income and notoriety to both Mr. Knight and Indiana University.  Not only did Mr. Knight win basketball games, by all accounts the vast majority of his players graduated, which we all know does not happen as frequently as we would like in the world of college basketball.   He also had a strong positive impact on many of the thousands of student athletes that he came in contact with.  These factors and more combined to keep Mr. Knight employed for 29 years, despite displaying behaviors that warranted otherwise.

For many in the State of Indiana, Hoosier basketball is a religious experience and Mr. Knight was at the pulpit.  To say that Mr. Knight is a strong, complex personality is an understatement.  His attitudes toward authority and anyone who attempts to get in his way appeal to the downtrodden.  His attitudes and behaviors also creates an "us against them mentality" transforming himself into a true "peoples" champion that others can relate to by claiming vicarious victory when he stands up to the perceived intellectual elite, the media, or any contrived threat du jour.  Mr. Knight’s passion for control borders on the obsessive.   He is an outspoken orator whose words can engender blind allegiance or emotionally crush those student athletes whose social and emotional psyches with which he has been entrusted.  Many of us believe that young adults need a boot camp like atmosphere to prevent them from becoming troubled adults.  Many an insecure college student who goes off to school and is under the pressure to produce, gains stability, and thrives in this controlled and contrived environment.  So a good tongue lashing or physical intimidation is not only seen as being appropriate, but is common in many American homes today, and when employed by Mr. Knight was applauded.

Mr. Knight’s oratory skills and shrewd handling of the media have made him appear the victim to his supporters.  His comment to Mr. Schapp comparing him to his father in a recent interview when he did not approve of Mr. Schaap’s line of questioning, was correctly characterized by the media as being inappropriate, engendering support for the interviewer, while also reaffirming Mr. Knight’s reputation for being arrogant and pompous.  However, it would not be going out on a limb to suggest that there were many that felt he put a young upstart in his place.

People who have similar personality characteristics as Mr. Knight and display the kinds of behaviors we have witnessed from him are themselves often grandiose, arrogant, controlling, and prone to intermittent outbursts of anger.  Their physical and emotional outbursts, displays of rage, and acts of destruction are at the very least failures to resist aggressive impulses that exist within them, and are suggestive of a psychological disorder.  Moreover, their degree of aggressiveness is well out of proportion to the perceived precipitating factor.  They too often throw things and are intimidating and frightening to those they live and come in contact with.  Their judgment is poor and they have problems taking responsibility for what they have wrought.  With narcissistic tendencies, their explanations for blatantly over the line behaviors are always rationalized and externalized. They are good candidates for medication to help them control their impulses, and when left untreated generally become involved with the law, and have difficulty meeting the demands of their environments.  As with many disorders, their problems and symptoms become more pronounced as they get older. 

None the less in a country where the bottom line is often the only thing that counts, individuals who produce positive results for an institution, company, or other people’s bankrolls or egos, are generally tolerated, despite their degree of psychological impairment.  We have seen this with many sports stars who have been given numerous chances after inappropriate behaviors that have not only hurt themselves, but others as well. You can be sure that it will be the same for Mr. Knight.  It has already started with his association with Nike, and his next employer is right around the corner.