The Better Half, For Better Or Worse, Beyond the Public Perception.

A behind the scenes look at the women who share the NFL experience.

Exclusive to Femmefan.com

Ivette Ricco

The football season has ended. Coaches are preparing for next season and evaluating last season's performance. Players have cleared out their lockers and headed home. Home, to the family he's seen little of in the last six months. Home, the place run by the "football wife" or significant other. The re-entry of the male figure into the household changes the family's dynamics. Now that he is back everyone has to adjust.

"The pressures of life as a "football wife" can be extreme. The "football wife" and family must set aside their own needs and desires for the good of the team. The family has but one goal, to win a Super Bowl."

"From the outsider's perspective it seems so carefree and exciting. The reality, however, is something quite different."

 As a fan I shared the usual public perceptions.  I was, however, given the opportunity to meet "football wives" and significant others, one on one. My perception of these women changed significantly. I came away with a great deal of respect for these intelligent, candid and dedicated women. They weren't the glamorous Barbie Dolls I expected to meet. Rather they were the type of women I could feel comfortable with as friends.

These women come from different social backgrounds and areas of the country. They are a melting pot of accents, life-styles and religions. The majority are college graduates. "They experience the same ups and downs as we do. But, they experience life in a uniquely male environment.”

The NFL player has taken on "super human" status in America . Coaches have also become household names. These men are on display every Sunday. One week a hero, the next week a goat. "Their accomplishments are gauged by their performance on the football field." Their partners are also on public display, frequent targets of media cameras.  Their actions, attire, and demeanor are subject to public scrutiny.

How do these women deal with the possibility of a career-ending injury? How do they react to obnoxious fans screaming profanities at their "man"? How do they cope with the enormous pressure of relocation, of being cut, of leaving their families and friends behind?

How do they handle the money and fame? Do they protect their privacy and maintain a normal home life for their children? "Do they struggle to establish their own identity in the face of their husband's fame and notoriety?"  Do they feel these men are more violent than others? Would they plan their pregnancies to coincide with the off-season?  Do they have concerns about their husband's fidelity?

Source: Dr. Richard S. Lustberg, Sportspsychology.com "The Life of a Football Wife"

About the author:

Shannon O’Toole is the wife of John Morton.  John played professional football for five years as a wide receiver. Currently, he is an assistant coach with the Oakland Raiders. Shannon and John have been together for eight years, and married for a year and a half. During that time Shannon has accompanied John to Green Bay Wisconsin , Los Angeles , Ca., Jacksonville Florida , Toronto Canada and Frankfurt Germany . John is 31 years old and holds a Bachelors degree. Shannon is 27 years old and holds a Masters degree in sports sociology. They are originally from Michigan .

Shannon is currently working on a non-fiction book based on the experiences of women in the NFL. Shannon has invited Femmefan.com to accompany her during the research stage and interview process.

Shannon O'Toole: "The main reason Femmefan.com is getting this exclusive with NFL women is because of trust. Trust does not come easily for these women. And why should it? Many times, without even meeting her, or hearing what she has to say, or how she thinks, she is negatively prejudged and stereotyped. Even after being steadfast through two previous cuts, and several career-threatening injuries, people will call her a "money-hungry gold digger". The super mom and wife handling all parental and household duties alone because of extremely long coaching hours, is still labeled a "pampered woman of leisure". The career woman with more education and degrees than her husband, nonetheless, is marked a naive "Barbie." She knows the public, with their unrealistic and romanticized views of the NFL, wants and expects her to play "the role" of NFL woman. So, why bother trying to explain her unusual and sometimes challenging life? Unless the person listening really understands; unless the person listening will go beyond looks and appearances; unless she knows the person listening is not using her, only to get a quote from her partner, the NFL player or coach. We are hearing honest, real, uncensored voices because they are speaking to me, another NFL woman. I understand their thoughts, feelings and motivations because I have lived it. 

It was my anguished face caught by the cameras and plastered on the Jumbo Tron interplayed with him being slammed backward on a kick-off return, with such force that his shoulder separates. But, it was also me as a 20 year old, driving a brand-new, loaded Blazer back and forth to college because that's what my NFL boyfriend lent me. It was me begging out of a year-long rental lease after only one month because the GM told him it was a "number's game" and, although he was sorry, he'd have to let him go (cut him). But, again, that was also me in the Disneyland photo looking slightly bored, because I had been on that ride 4 times in the past year, taking full advantage of the free admission policy given to NFL players and families.

And, I'm still here. No longer a player's girlfriend, now a coach's wife. Now, I'm tanned after a recent luxury, all-expenses paid trip to the Pro Bowl in Hawaii courtesy of the NFL. But, during the season, it's me ordering a take-out burrito, for one, and going to bed alone, because he will spend every evening and most nights at work, unable to come home until the playbook is finished. Now, it's me driving a new dealer car, every month, courtesy of an NFL arrangement; but it's also me driving that same car, attending church by myself because his most important work day is Sunday.

By blending my insider's advantage with my background as a sociologist, I will give Femmefan.com a look at the always exciting and sometimes unstable lives of the women beside the men of the NFL."    

To read excerpts from Shannon O’Toole’s upcoming book, click here.

To read more insightful features from the female fan’s unique perspective, visit http://www.Femmefan.com/